femme_b0t

http://tashamoney.tumblr.com/

i use this more than anything now. ill dabble private posts here n there in LJ though..

This journal from now on is strictly friends only. 

I'm going crazy.

I have 24hrs to design 2 window displays for the Top of the Mark Hotel. One for their Sunday Brunch and the other for their Room of the Dons. Both equally not appealing to me. I joined this class late and Kira was supposed to show me the hotel weeks ago but hasn't had time. We've both been busy with conflicting schedules. Since I haven't seen the windows or what I'm working with, I really couldn't get a feel of inspiration or have any ideas bred. I just hope when I go there tomorrow morning that it will all come to me. I need to have everything to scale, sourced within budget, and put together. I still need to go to Britex to source fabric too. Ughhh.

If thats not driving me crazy enough, I'll need to be helping Kira putting together her boards on illustrator too because she doesn't know how to use it. We have a lot of pressure on us since our teacher likes us the best. Our store design from last semester got displayed and showcased this past Friday for the Governor & his family( Arnold's daughter is looking at coming to our school) & our teacher picked us to represent the visual merchandising dept in our school. Anyway, we're all designing different windows for a competition. The hotel will pick which ones they like and have it installed in their hotel for a year.

Besides that, I also have a powerpoint presentation to wrap up & a midterm to study for Tuesday. Last but not least, I have a collection to design on illustrator for my computers for fashion class. FUCK!

Shoot me now :(

Well I've been juggling this blog as well as another blog. I tend to write more personal entries here I guess. Whats new whats new... is the Governor (Arnold Schwarzneggar I'm spelling this wrong probably..)'s daughter is interested in coming to our school (AAU). So the whole family is coming to visit tomorrow! One of my teachers picked Kira & I to represent the Fashion Merchandising Dept of our school. Our final project from last semester was also selected to be showcased in the 7th floor for them to view. I'm so excited. I don't think I'll get to meet them, but either way I'm flattered.

On to other news, I finally found a pair of boots thats got a great color, fit, and doesn't make my feet look bigger than big foot!

Today I did basically NOTHING but rot away in bed til 4pm. Yeah. Kira & I watched the rest of "The Hoax" we didn't finish last night and ate hella chocolate and junk. Finally pulled our asses out of bed & went out to see "Definitely, Maybe."

i'm becoming to realize i'm not happy. i'm not happy or close to being as happy as i pretend to be.

I'm not happy.

The month of bullshit flowers and chocolate for the cost of 5 times its actual worth, one day out of the year, every year. I should definitely think about getting into that industry. It's been awhile since I wrote in here, and a lot has occurred. I got the job at Ace Wasabi's. It's been great so far, although I'm still trying to get used to the atmosphere. I am a bit shy when I'm put in new environments (being the ONLY asian existing in the Marina besides my boss and her brother who work there) it sure puts the harsh spotlight on you. Its funny though because I'm not exactly the shy type, with the exception of the above.

I also spoke with my adviser last week. I will graduate next Spring. SO SOON!! I'm excited but yet I feel like "Crap. Now what?" I might just stay for an AA in Graphic Design or see if its even possible to get a MFA in Graphic Design (Just because our school is weird like that? MFA for any BFA? A friend of mine is in the MFA Fashion program and she has no previous degree at all in Fashion) Well anyway I need to start putting together my portfolio as well as looking for a solid retail job. Jeremy just got a job as the visual merchandiser for Sisley! Lucky guy, and without having to do a portfolio???? Ugh.

What else, what else... I need a bike, save money, and finish putting my room together. Which all require money of course. I want to go to Cosmetology school and learn how to do nail tech work. Yup yup yup...

Oh yeah & I cut my hair.

I was talking to my friend Zhi on the difficulty of finding a job. He talks about the possible jobs he might have to succumb to due to his conviction from something retarded at his previous job. Here's some suggestions we came up with.

Zhi: maybe ill take up some odd jobs
Zhi: like jizz mopper @ a porno booth
Natassia: lol
Natassia: barf cleaner at zippys
Zhi: ...
Zhi: fortune cookie writer
Natassia: head giver for black closet gay men
Zhi: flyer passer at waiks
Natassia: moon cake red mark stamper
Zhi: semen collecter @ sperm bank
Natassia: tooth paste cap screwer
Natassia: metallic gold man that does robotic moves w/a kazoo in the mouth
Zhi: fuck that
Zhi: those people are fucking low lifes that refuse to work a real job
Zhi: wtf
Zhi: they might as well work a 9-5 cause they putting in at least 6 hours a night
Natassia: haha yea
Natassia: maybe you can apply to be the sidekick to the UH rainbow warrior guy that gets all nuts

Oh Zhi Hao. Miss that homie fo'real. Its been a hot minute since I last talked to him but when we do catch up he throws me an update of his work he's done since we last talked. Way over due but he's improved a lot since I can remember when he first started working with cans. Besides hitting walls, he's been doing work for KCC. Pretty proud of him, he needs to get to the mainland though I think that would be the peak of his growth in the talent he has.

We always like to think of everyone as being Innocent until proven guilty. However lying behind smiles, bottling up future lies behind closed lips, exchanging explicit words that would go unspoken via text message, and spilling so called feelings with your fingers crossed behind your back is all too common today. We're all guilty until proven innocent. Paint a pretty picture and tell me (insert your name here) was the inspiration. Show the pretty picture to another and repeat step one. Genuinely hearted souls is nearly non-existent. Its all about figuring out how much you can get away with from person to person. How much mileage? How much lies and deceit can you do before you're too close to getting burned?

I can't count the times (or I'd run out of fingers & toes) I allowed to view everyone as innocent until proven guilty. I trusted. I opened up. I burn. If theres anything I've learned, its that many many MANY men I meet in my life are incredibly shady. Whether its lying about something insignificant or something crucial if you're trying to tell me something else. I need to think of everyone as guilty until proven innocent, because the times I thought I'd give the benefit of the doubt, I ended up benefiting the ones that highly did not deserve it and got fucked over even harder. Then whats utterly appalling is when one of the devil's make a return debut in your life, & show up with attempts to get me to do the same old dance again. I'm not your puppet. Fool me once but fool me twice, never.

No more dancing with the devil.

Looking at others as guilty until proven innocent, will see who will break down the barrier of lies around them, who will show and do all it takes to prove that they're good inside and isn't all talk. Talk is fucking cheap and I'm not going to swallow a single word until I see actions to back it all up.

You never know when you could possibly be dancing with the devil.
You're all guilty until proven innocent in my eyes.

I blog a lot. I write a lot. I have slight OCD when it comes to hoarding sketchbooks, multiple blog accounts, and journals alike. Obsessive haha. I used to be pretty good at maintaining them at one point, but now I just feel the need to start fresh and keep one regularly. I enjoy reading blogs and photojournals. There was a time when I just took a break from writing in my own, and became fascinated and mildly entertained by reading the lives of others through a computer screen. Funny, but we all do it.

I'll break myself down little by little in this personal blog of mine as it goes on, but let me start off by introducing myself.

My name is Natassia (na-ta-sha). Why its spelt that way only my mother knows. Its actually supposed to be pronounced differently but since my nickname growing up was Tasha, since I could talk I assumed my name was pronounced Natasha. So up til I was 21yrs old I always thought my  name was pronounced the way I've been introducing myself. When I discovered this I felt like I was having an identity crisis. Fortunately, everyone calls me Tasha anyhow, and I still carry on formally claiming my name as if I just might be part black if not Russian. Whichever the public wants to believe.

I have naturally curly hair that I keep straight 90% of the time. I am 5'3" (barely) with size 9.5/10 ft. I just wrote out loud one of my biggest insecurities. I must be extremely unproportioned. I was born and raised in Hawaii but moved to the YaYy arEaAaa about two years ago. I love it so much. Its truly my new home, although Hawaii will still be where the heart is. I just always belonged in the city. I'm a fashion merchandising student at AAU, working on a female streetwear line with my homegirl Kira. I am obsessed with my nails and get them did regularly. I'm a Virgo and believe every trait of it sticks to my persona. A Virgo meaning I over analyze a lot more than the average psycho(logist) & can be am critical on myself.

I've never broken a single bone in my body but I've had my heart broken 1.5 times. You will slowly find out how.
I make it certain it will never happen again. You only have one heart.

I'm still in recovery and indenial.
My brain is 1000 sponges morphed together. I absorb more than you can imagine. I am possibly one of the most interesting persons you'll ever meet in this lifetime.

My name is Natassia & it's nice to meet you.